Sleepless nights

I am glad I don't have many of those anymore!

Yesterday I was rubbish. I was a useless slobbering blob. I sat around and did nothing at all, all day long, except stare. at. nothing. Fellers screamed and cried excessively, incessantly, not because I was so boring, but because no one had any sleep the previous night.

Let me break it down:

8:30 PM Bedtime is a little late tonight, not bad. Daddy was going to work, so Mommy MacBoudica kept them up a little late so they could send him off with goofy, sloppy Feller kisses and a few games of Hard to Get.

9:30 PM All is quiet in the land of zzzzzzzz's. Mommy's ear at the door encounters no jabbering or jumping on beds. No thuds and clattering. No micro-computerchip cheesy music. The crew is down for the count (famous last words).

11:30 PM Mommy M, yawning on the couch, has finished last season's last episode of Deadwood on demand, which she evidently slept threw upon first viewing because she has no recollection of any of it even though Hubz insists they watched it. Mommy M finishes all bedtime rituals of rechecking and covering up Fellers, waking up Eighty-Eight Fingers to go pee, washing her face, brushing her teeth, checking all windows and door locks, and hits the hay herself.

12:00 AM Mommy M crawls into bed and, like usual (which Hubz finds an amazing and almost unbelievable trait), is asleep within approximately thirty seconds.

1:36 AM Mommy M sits bolt upright in bed as she is assaulted by the the most horrendous screaming and wailing which she groggily believes was a dream at first but soon, to her horror, realizes is coming from the vicinity of the Fellers' room. She leaps from her bed and all but flies to the Fellers room to attend to the screaching Boompas. She checks him head to toe for damage. She checks him for poop (now that they are potty training, the Fellers' favorite trick is to poop in their diaper at bedtime or naptime). No damage. No poop.

So she sweetly inquires what is wrong. "Do you have owies?"

"Um-mmmmmmm!"

Okay. Well, seems like all is in order, so Mommy M lays the boy back down, tucks him back in and tells him it is still night time and he has to go back to sleep.

"Um-mmmmmmmmm!"

Still sweetly, just not as much, "Boompas, it's time for night-night. You have to go to sleep." Mommy rubs his back for a minute, strokes his hair and leaves him crying. Mind you, he has been sleeping through the night consistently since he was a year old. I know he can put himself to sleep. Hauling him out of bed and rocking him is not an option. Neither is taking him to bed with me. I tried that once. It doesn't work for my kids. Plus I have never wanted to get into the whole kids sleeping in Mommy and Daddy's bed thing. With six kids betweent the two of us, well, you can imagine the logistical difficulties.

1:45 AM He is still screaming five minutes later. Mommy M must make a stand. She yell-whispers into his room, "Boompas, everyone is trying to sleep. You have to go to sleep."

Her retreating steps are met with, "Um-mmmmmmm!" but he does quiet down. Mommy M climbs back in bed, but has an adreneline high that just won't come down. Does't matter.

2:03 AM Mommy M, who was not yet sleeping, not even close, hears more horrendous screams. She is not so concerened anymore. No, now she is starting to get a little peeved.

"Boompas. Go. To. Sleep!"

"Um-mmmmmmmm!"

"Boompas, you have to go to sleep. Everyone else is sleeping. You have to sleep too or I'll..."

I'll what? Give him a time out? Take away his toys? Put him to bed?He is already in bed, so none of those is an option. What more could I do? Cut off his graham cracker supply? Like he would understand that. You see my dilemma...Nothing. I've got nothing.

"...Or you'll get it." Yeah, that will work.

Mommy M leaves the room. Boompas is quiet because, although he had no idea what the heck get it means, he understood the malice in Mommy's tone. That is the Mommy Means Bizness tone, and he doesn't mess with it. Yet.

2:34 AM More screams. More Mommy stomping to the bedside. More threats of mysterious getting it. More Boompas tricking me with false quiet. More Mommy M flopping back to bed with an exasperated sigh and possibly some cursing.

3:07 AM More screams. Mommy M stomps to bedside, muttering curses. Checks him over. Notices he is soaking wet. He somehow managed to wet up and out of his diaper, which had approximately one drop of pee in it, completely saturating the front of his pants. Try figuring that one out. Mommy M scrambles frantically for a clean pair of pants and manages to change the contrary Feller by flashlight in the dark. Fortunately, the bed seems dry. You know, because he was not laying down and sleeping or anything. After that, though, Boompas finally does succumb to sleep. So, eventually, does Mommy M.

4;33 AM Daddy is home from work. Since Mommy M is hypersensitive to sounds in the night due to a Night of Toddler Practicing His Independence Antics, Mommy awakens instantly, gives Daddy the low-down and a quick kiss and crawls back in bed.

6:40 AM Daddy comes to bed waking Mommy back up. Mommy tries in vain for a few more minutes of precious sleep before the crew wakes up and demands her services.

7:00 AM Fellers awake and yelling for Mom. Mommy stumbles from bed and somehow manages to fumble through the day.

I think I got maybe a grand total of two hours of sleep that night. Thank god for strong coffee and 12 cup coffepots. How in the heck did I do that every night for almost five months when those two were babies? And how did the other kids manage to sleep through all of Boompas' s racket? If I was his sister instead of his mother Iwould have beat him up and broken his good toys.