Have I waited long enough, Doc?
I have written here several times about my concerns for my middle boy, my whirlwind, my three-foot bundle of mischief, my Eighty-Eight Fingers. Never fear, trouble will find him wherever he goes. Just see my last post to update yourself to his latest antics.
So you can imagine my dread at seeing the school's phone number on my caller ID today. Of course it was his teacher. Of course there was another bus write-up (the to-school bus this time just to switch it up a bit) where he apparently scratched another child and left a mark. Of course he has also been showing signs of impulsivity in class including trouble waiting his turn, keeping on task, etc. Of course, none of this is surprising to me.
Very troubling to learn he is injuring kids in his ferocious joviality--for that is what it is to him. Around other kids in an unstructured environment he becomes almost manic in his playfulness, every time. He isn't violent--simply easily overstimulated and can't stop himself, loses control. He is really a smart, sweet kid. But it is like he has no volume dial, no gears, no off switch. He is either awake and full speed or asleep and off. And this world--his world is not equipped to handle that.
So I did the thing I have been dreading, yet I have known is inevitable. I agreed with his teacher to set up the meeting and go forward with the testing for ADHD. I called his pediatrician and she concurred. Do it now. As soon as possible, she said. Then make a follow-up appointment with her to discuss possible medications.
My heart is overwhelmed with sorrow for the boy, dread for him of the challenges he will face, fear for his future. I think this is the right thing, but I feel so uncertain. I mean the poor boy is constantly in trouble: EEF Sit down, EEF settle down, EEF slow down, EEF don't touch that, EEF don't do that, etc. That can't be good for his self-image. And he certainly can't be getting so overwhelmed that he is hurting other kids. Absolutely not. But I am so not sure of setting him on the path of labels and medication and psych evals at five years old, sentencing him to a life long struggle. It just seems so tragic. And it is my job--his mother--to impose this sentence, for I have no doubt what the outcome of the testing will conclude. It is a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended) for my boy and myself.