Interview With A M'ampire

Because of certain haps here at Abode McBoudica, I have been forced to hit the pavement, as in a job search. I foolishly started on this mission the old fashioned way the other day, dressing up (a fiasco in and of itself--the Fellers knew I was up to something and Were Not Happy!) and approaching my desired work venues in person, resume in hand. Since only second shift work will do (child care, you know) all my professional experience is basically useless. I am looking at retail, people, retail. Something I have zero experience in.

Of course, old and crotchety as I am, I am picky about where I will work. If I am giving up family time, it should at least be at a cool place, not selling batteries or greeting cards. No, the work snob McBoudica will only work at bookstores with other nerds. Okay, maybe home improvement stores would suffice.

Anyway, back to the actual physical submission of said resumes--what was I thinking??? That is so yesterday, which I discovered all to soon. After being turned away without even the chance to buy a vowel on the job application (literally all dressed up and no place to go--all that effort for nothing!), I came home and hit the 'net. Online aps are So Much Better! Now I can fill in all sorts of ridiculous information (such as last/current position: Home, Manager: Me, Manager Title: Me, Position: SAHM, Rate of pay: $0, Duties: Um, do you have much memory? I have to get out my scroll...).

And the Online Personality Evaluations! Are those fun to complete with screaming children milling at one's feet (I become easily frustrated when interrupted in completing a task: Strongly disagree, disagree, agree, strongly agree).

Surprisingly, I actually got a call back from one of these joints for an interview--a big chain home improvement store (not the bookstore, damn! Maybe that is for the best--I would spend too much of my time reading the merchandise). Like I know anything about retail or home improvement! So, today, I will blow dry my hair into some semblance of civility and dig through the buried, dusty and moth-bitten Dress Clothes somewhere in the never disturbed closets. I will bring my dusting wand to ward off the cobwebs that most assuredly have formed there and do my best to become acceptably presentable. I will go to the interview and lie through my teeth about how excited I am to sell paint or tomato plants or whatever. I will pretend I am not terrified of leaving the roost.

Wish me luck!