Thursday, May 18, 2006

Today's Bitch List

Today I am going to do some general bitching about things I hate. I know. In my last post I said I was going to be grateful for this life I have, but, come on! Some stuff is just really annoying and I have to say something about it.

  • First of all, why do we still say "maiden name"? I mean, who in the hell is even a maiden anymore before she gets married anyway? Why can't we say "pre-married name" or "A" name "birth" name or something--anything!--but "maiden name". It is a terrible term regardles of the historical connotations that women are property and should go to their marriage beds unsoiled and all that crap. The world has moved on. This term is antiquated and useless. Let's all just get rid of it!
  • This second issue has always kind of bothered me, but what really got me thinking of about it was last summer my husband and I took a walk on Seminary property that had its own cemetary for the Brothers and Sisters who had passed on over the years. Yes, that is a Seminary Cemetary. Many of the sisters who must have been widowed and then joined the "sisterhood" (sorry, I am not Catholic, I don't know the correct terminology) were memorialized on their tombstone as Mrs. Man's First and Last Name, Sister in Christ. Many of the names were very foreign, an indication many of the women were imigrants who must have traveled far and died in this large, wild new place, the United States. So, then, who was this woman, really, who first lost the name she was born with in a very different homeland to her husband, then her husband's name to Christ? She passed through life, first her father's, then her husband's, then Christ's, her life stages marked through ownership by different men. Now, in death, she is only remembered through who owned her last. Sad. So, basically, I hate it when a woman marries, not only does she take her husband's last name (a cultural, patralineal thing that is probably never going to go away) but she is forever after identified as Mrs. His First and Last Name. I can't stand that! Isn't it bad enough that she has to give up her last name, but to completely lose her identity in her husband's? Is that really necessary in this day and age when we are all spouting off about equality and how women are right up there with men rights-wise? (I kept my "birth" name for my second marriage, and hyphenated for the first, but when you do that you get weird looks, and, like Rodney Dangerfield always said, "I get no respect") I can understand that we all want to have a same last name in a family, it has to be someone's to trace family history and all that, so we might as well stick with tradition and use the husband's, but I think we should be beyond women giving up their first names, too. So don't do it. Keep your first name. It is yours, your identity. Keep it.
  • Another thing I really hate is the term "pro-life". Who decided that these dead fetus slinging nutcases were "pro-life"? That connotates that anyone who is "pro-choice" is an axe-slinging psycho-killer or must be the opposite, "pro-death". I always have to stop and think when I hear "pro-life" because I am pro-life! I think everyone should live life to the fullest, and I would never kill anything except maybe some ants or flies that got into the house or the mosquito trying to make a snack out of me in in the summer. I don't even like mouse traps, way to inhumane! But I do believe that women have dominion over their own bodies, that accidents or mistakes happen sometimes and women know that there is no way they can carry, much less, raise a child. But they bear the burden in those situations. Women would ultimately be the ones responsible for carrying the child and raising it. So-called "pro-lifers" often chime in, "Well, there is adoption." Pregnancy is a serious health condition!!! Women should not be forced to take on a serious health condition that the gods of chance blessed (or cursed) them with that in and of itself cause them to become too sick to work (or finish school, or anything else) or possibly even die. Women are not Factories. They should not be forced to "cook" a baby for nine months only to give it up when the buzzer sounds. And making a serious, responsible decision not to carry life for whatever reasons is just as valid as deciding to carry life. It doesn't make you selfish. It doesn't make you "pro-death" or an axe-slinging psycho serial killer. So my question is, why do us "pro-choice" people allow the so-called "pro-life" people continue in this deception? Why don't we market a better, more accurate term, "anti-abortion" or "anti-choice"?

Well, that is all the bitching I have for today. I am off to work off some of this aggression on my "Life Glider".


Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Wow. The first thing and the third thing have ALWAYS bothered me, but now I'm bothered by the second thing too.


18 May, 2006 10:09  
Blogger wolfbaby said...

Gotta love the ranting post isn't it a great way to get those things out there and off your chest;) I agree with what you said !!

18 May, 2006 10:31  
Anonymous Susan said...

Agree, agree, agree.

1. When we were engaged, my husband asked me what I wanted to do with my name. It was one of the things that made me fall even more deeply in love with him, his refusal to assume I would take his name. Professionally, I went with hyphonation (the dictionary according to Susan). Socially, I took his name. I'm happy with that-it makes sense to me, it works for us.

The thing that drove me over the edge (still does) is the word spouse. I couldn't even tell you the reason, there is just something about that word that makes me instantly incessed. I will be his partner, his friend, his lover, his confidant, his wife...etc...but I will never be his spouse! own little rant.

2. Yeah, I never got this either. My daughter's school is having a 40th anniversary celebration next week and we were going through some old yearbooks and such...teachers are listed under class photos as Mrs. Frank Oz, Mrs. Joe Shmo... what the hell?

3. Don't even get me going on this one.

Sorry to hijack your blog for a minute. Clearly, this terrific post has struck a chord with me.

Great job.

18 May, 2006 11:18  
Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

I love you. You know that, right? Please come live with me.

i agree wholeheartedly.

The only slight difference is that I have no problem with the title "Mrs. John Brown" After all, it's just a title. It's not a name. Mrs should NEVER be used with ones own first name since it means "wife of". If one says "Mrs. Sally Brown" then she's the WIFE OF herself??? NO. She's MS. Sally Brown and Mrs. (the wife of) John Brown.

I think that the whole married name shit should die. I have never changed my name (married twice). I was born 'Sally Smith' and when I married i didn't become a different person. I am no man's property and neither are my children (their names are hyphenated). JMHO.

Like Susan, don't EVEN get me started on number 3 ...

Great post!


18 May, 2006 13:48  
Anonymous Chantal said...

"Another thing I really hate is the term "pro-life". Who decided that these dead fetus slinging nutcases were "pro-life"? That connotates that anyone who is "pro-choice" is an axe-slinging psycho-killer or must be the opposite, "pro-death"."

Testifreakingfy! I am so with you on this one.

18 May, 2006 13:52  
Blogger Mom101 said...

I'm with you on the pro-life misnomer. It's semantic brilliance, of the Karl Rove kind, when you think about it. Sort of like "family values" which really don't value the family. The problem with most liberal expressions is that they allot for a greater continuum, so by definition, they're not as pointed. We need to start reframing the terms if we want to reopen the dialogue.

Oh look, now you've got me going too. great post!

18 May, 2006 16:35  
Blogger Karen said...

What a great way to discover this blog! Thanks for your comment over at my place, and I LOVE THIS POST.

I "kept" my name. It confuses the hell out of people in SE MN. I invited my husband, who complained a little about the choice, to take my name. He refused. Turns out, that would be losing a little of his identity. Go figure.

As for the political terminology and the abortion debate, seriously, we have this conversation at least 10 times a week. Why are we talking about killing babies at all? Who really wants babies killed? NO ONE. Why aren't we talking about preventing unwanted pregnancies instead of what to do with their aftermath? Isn't that really the crux of the matter? inspired a rant of my own...

19 May, 2006 00:36  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...


19 May, 2006 17:03  

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